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Part of ME!!! <3
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "lostinthough07" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
06:38 pm
[Link] | dear everyone: Today in my college prep course we started talking about what drives people to the brink of killing other people or themselves for that matter? is it anger, hatered, jealousy, pain, sadness, hurtfulness{dont know if that is a word or not}, crazy {well arnt we all at one point or another?? i bet}, betrayal, puzzelment, confusion, alone, regretfulness, or is it just a combination of all of these emotions and more running through their head that drives them to the extreme? do they feel like they wont be able to live any longer with out doing something about it? how can someone actually take a gun, a knife or anything sharp and kill themselves or anyone. what drives you to that extreme. do they know that they will never see another day of sunlight, grow old and have children of their own, will never have another kiss {or be kissed for those who havent yet been kissed}, go to another prom {if you havent gone to one or already have attended one}, spend another day just sitting in front of the TV eating junk food and hanging with friend, go to the mall to buy cute clothes in hopes of catching the eye of the guy you like or that likes you, going to the movies and watchin a scary one that scares the shit out of you, getting another mocca frappicino decaf with extra whipp cream and chocolate syrup{for those of us who like those kinds of things} from STARBUCKS!{heck ya man}, having another day at the mall shopping with ur parents or some close friends, eating lunch in the school cafateria and getting in a food fight with some of your friends, flirting with the guy you like {or the girl if your a boy reading this}, tripping and falling down on your face and getting back up just to laugh at your self inspite of embarrassment, not having another day of just hanging out with your friends, or going to another boring/ funny family reunion that reminds you of WW3 {haha}, gettting to talk on the phone with a friend that you havent talked to in a long time or just calling to catch up on gossip from the day, listening to you fav CD and watchin you fav TV show, never getting to drive around in your friends car and falling out of it right on your face{i did that once and it was pretty funny}, haveing another slice of your fav pizza, having another bday party, laughin so hard that you are crying, spending all day just relaxing, laying in your front yard with your friend staring at the sky and talking about everything under the sun, never getting to embarrassas yourself while you laugh all the while, dancing in your front yard and not caring about what everyone thinks, tanning, playing tennis with a friend or your dog, going for a run with some friends, getting to go horseback riding{that is mainly for me}, spending all night talking on the phone with a guy you like or your best friend, there is so many more things you would be missing out on. so what drives you to the point of killing when you know you would be missing out on all this great stuff, stuff you know you love and what to do before you die of old age. isnt there some other way of getting over it without there being death? but to you i guess not, you think it is the end of the world and there is no way around it, but there is!! talk to your friends and get help dont go to the extreme!!! dont take your own life or someone elses, it just isnt fair. think about it....just think about it, let yourself sleep on it and think about it the next day, try and find another way of getting around it WITHOUT death!!! it just seems so extreme, dont let yourself be driven to the extreme!! well i guess that about wrapps it up. so i guess i will talk to you all later. think about it and let me know what you think about it. love ya lots ~*~blondie~*~
Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "Beautiful Day" by U2
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06:44 pm
[Link] | well hey there everyone!!!! long time no talk. there has been a lot of big shit going on in my life, some of it u might not wanna know about or i dont want u to kno about and other stuff that i might tell u about. well first off i have hurt my left foot really badly and i went to the doc n he wrapped it up telling me to come back in a week which ment today. so i went 2day and during that week my right foot began to bother me too. so i told him about it today and he is like well lets get an xray of it and see whats going on. so i got an xray and he is like u have 2 options cuz the muscel in the bottom of both ur feet is inflamed and is in knots. well the options were shots right in the muscel {man that doesnt sound like a hell of a lot of fun} and the other was therapy 2 or 3 times a week {god these options just kept getting better and better dont they??}well i had to pick one or the other. so i picked the shots. oh joy!!! omg i now wish that i had chosen the therapy cuz getting those shots caused to much pain i started crying right then and there. he said my feet would be pretty sore 4 awhile and i was like omg this sucks. and they sure as hell do hurt!!! i feel like crying they hurt so bad.......ahhhhhhh PAIN.........when given an option dont pick the one containing shots.. k well i guess i gotta go my foot is starting to throbb LOVE U GUYS!!!!! leave me a comment!!! goldie locks{yah that is my new nick name thanks to a certain someone}
Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: all i want is you by U2
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04:39 pm
[Link] | ~*~*~HEY!!!~*~*~
dont worry i am still alive i just havent had the time to update in a long long long time. my computer has been all screwed up lately so ya. oh god!!! wow this is a great day....haha adg thanks for telling everyone im drunk...totally love ya for that one!! NOT!!! jkjk and omg!! VALENTINES DAY is coming up soon! whoop whoop....well i dont know what else to say so talk to yall soon...later love ya kelly
Current Mood: drunk Current Music: kreed "its been a while"
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04:27 pm
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happiness......... today my bestest friend sarah came over and spent the night....we were looking at our yearbooks back from when we went to school together. and started remembering the old memories.....and realized how much everyone has changed from then. it was kinda weird looking back at myself. it seemed so weird. i have changed so much and then sarah and i got on to the topic of happiness......we both realized that there are losts of small things that can make people happy but mostly happiness isnt noticed unless it is the BIG kind of happiness. i dont understand that but whatever, what is there to understand. we dont notice the small things only the big things which is rather sad. happiness is hard to describe, i guess unless you have REALLY experienced it. i looked it up at urban dictionary just for the heck of it and i thought that the best definition of it was "the ideal that all seek but few find". i think that that is rather true. well i guess i shall end here. oh and my photo shoot was a NO GO!! which sucked. i am still debating with myself wether i should do it or not. i dont know if i am ready for it but i dont know it is hard to decide. help me out on this people. really could use the help. later love ya lots kelly
Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: praticing singing....la la la
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09:16 pm
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whats new.......
hey!!! omg!! life has been going GREAT and i mean great. nothing has gone wrong. i totally love it. this weekend my band has our FIRST photo shoot , whoop whoop.. fun shtuff man.. totally looking forward to it. and on saturday my best friend {hey hey dont worry all of my friends are my best friends} sarah is coming over!!! yay and spending the night..... OMG and the most disgusting thing happened to me on monday....I GOT FISHED!!! it was the most disgusting thing ever. i am not joking when i say this. there was litterly a DEAD fish in my front yard!!!! ick!! i had to pick it up.......man i hated it!!! ewww i hope that that NEVER happens again, cuz i wont be picking it up. never ever again. then before i got fished i fell on my deck and skidded across it scraping my ankel and knee all up right before the photos this weekend so now i cant wear my CUTE new skirt which totally sucks. ya well that pretty much wrapps up what has been going on and what is to come....k well later love ya
Current Mood: crazy Current Music: the beat of the drums in my head and humming my songs to me
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10:45 am
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my NEW song and what has been going on in MY life!!! fun indeed
here is my new song for my band....oh i dont know if i told you but ya i am in a band {i am the song writer by the way} and you manager is the same a Jessie McCartnie {how ever you spell his name} but ya, is that not cool!! we are so excited and are busy at work creating our demo CD....man i never knew it was so much work writing songs, making a demo and getting a manager but it is all worth it in the end. i love it so much!!! it is great. maybe we will be famous one day {like one in a million chances of that ever happening} but hey it could happen. so that is why i havent updated in like forever, sry about that...i wish i had more time but there is so much going on in my life i have basically NO free time....sry guys...k well here is one of the many songs.....it is called Mistakes
I wont make the same mistakes again
It felt so unbreakable
That nothing could go wrong
But now I cant breathe
I’m barely here
I’m here once again
Torn to pieces
I’ve learned the hard way
No way to tell what’s real
No measurement
I don’t believe what you say
Now I cant breathe
I’m barely here
Once again, alone
You don’t get what you see
Tell me why I should care
It’s already hard enough
Without you doing this to me
Now tell me why I should care
Why should I make this mistake again?
Just tell me one more time why
I can barely breathe
Barely here
Once again
Tell me why
how you liked........let me know what you thought about it. oh and my bday was on the 27th by the way. and thanks a TON you guys who threw my surprise party and to all who came. it was so much fun!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH!!!!!! k well later
love ya oh and ya i got a CELL PHONE!!! whoop whoop
Current Mood: crazy Current Music: all the music is in my head right now....too busy relaxing
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07:42 pm
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*sighs* hey everyone!! yay i am not dead......i just havent had time to update so ya that is why i havent had any new posts. and well there has been nothin really to say that is of interest to you. yesturday my friend sarah came over and spent the night. i havent seen her in such a long time so we were up really later catching up on old memories. it was fun!!! man i missed hanging out with you sarah my sis....oh ya you left you hair brush here hahahaha.oh well....well nothing is really new here except for life and that is nothing new {still as borning and unentertaining as ever}k well here is a little quiz for you to take later love you lots......oh and i promise to update again soon kelly Am I... - am i cute? - am i crazy? - am i lovable? - am i funny? - am i annoying? - am i psycho? - am i daring? - am i a good person? Would you... - would you hug me? - would you miss me if i was gone? - would you kiss me? - would you listen to my problems? - would you be a good friend? - would you be my best friend? Would you ever... - would you ever go out with me? - would you ever marry me if you could? - would you ever talk bad about me if we ever broke up? - would you ever make out with me in a cemetery? - would you ever make out with me in the rain? - would you ever snuggle with me? If you could... - if you could give me a new name, it would be? - if you could do one thing with me, it would be? - if you could give me a piece of advice, it would be? - if you could kidnap me for a day, where would we go? Just a few questions... - what do you love about me? - what do you hate about me? - what is my best quality? - if you could change one thing about me, what would it be? - what is your honest opinion about me? - what would you do if i sang out of tune? - what song reminds you of me? - do i remind you of any characters on tv? - have you ever had a dream about me? - do you think i'm a virgin? - if you just met me, how old would you guess i am? - am i hug-gable? - if you could give me anything, what would it be? - if you could promise me anything, what would it be? Personal... - am i ugly, average, decent, good looking, beautiful, ect.? - if you could describe me in one word, what would that word be? - when we first met, what were your thoughts? - if you had to describe to someone who i am and what i am like, what would you tell them? - what are my faults? - what are my strengths? - do you wish we were closer? - why aren't we closer?
Current Mood: drunk Current Music: tie me to the bedpost
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08:39 pm
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Blue Tears
I just decided to write a poem instead
Blue Tears She signed the letter with a tear in her eye and a saddened sigh she sealed it with a drop of wax from her eye blue is the color of her love for you never meaning to hurt her is what you said the tears in her eyes have all dried up
As he read her letter a tear comes to his eye realizing he had it all but he let it go with a little sigh and a tear in his eye he folded up the letter knowing he should say something more
He starts to write her back but the paper just gets torn time and time again her broken heart he's tried to mend with each letter he sends but it never helps
Questioning his own heart he tries a fresh start she looks at him with sad eyes trying not to cry it breaks his heart to see her cry over and over again not knowing what to say when he writes her back just handing her a paper with blue tears the writing all smudged
She reads his letter with an open heart knowing he wants a fresh start they blue tears they cried have all dried
Current Mood: artistic Current Music: "Over and Over"
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05:00 pm
[Link] | I guess you could say I am what people want me to be. I feel as though since i can be so many things, it takes me away from becoming great at just one thing. i dont feel like i am apart of the team anymore. that might come as a huge shock to some of you but whatever....i realized i cant change my feelings toward people. it is useless to try and make them love me when i know that they never really will no matter what i do to please them. even if i act exactly how they want me to and foget about being the real me, it just wont do. i can never seem to please them. i cant make someone love me. to some people it comes easy to and to others, well it just doesnt. some people wont bother to give me a second look. they just dont care, they dont care that i am hurting or that i am sad. it is not their problem so why should they care is what they think. she is just another stupid girl wanting attention. that really hurts when it happens. you realize that you might just be all alone, with noone there to protect you...
"you are either somebody or your not. dont try to be someone your not." these quotes have really affected me. they really make me think why people try and be something they arnt. do they just want to be accepted by everyone else?
i guess all i really need right now is a hug hanging on to life <3 kelly
Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Simple Plan "welcome to my life"
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08:05 pm
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homecominghomecominghomecominghomecominghomecoming!!!! saturday night was homecoming, indeed it was. HOMECOMING!!!! ahhh what more can I say! I loved it sooooooo much. it was like the best thing ever!! i had so much fun.like i got to see tons of my friends and got to dance with a couple of upper classmen{that was fun}!!!! but like omg i wish it happened more than once a year. it was tons of fun. i will have to put some pics up once i get them developed or if i dont put them up find me at school and i will show them to you...lalala. it really sucks for you if you didnt go to homecoming. wow it has already come and gone. like i get my nails and hair all done pretty and time just goes flying by. it seems like it is over in a matter of minutes......sadness. but i totally loved it so much and it was so much fun!!i danced with a bunch of my fiends and then some jerk though it would be funny to pour water down my dress and i got so mad!!! i just wanted to slap him, but i didnt of course. but whatever ok well i gotta split later everyone!!!
Current Mood: giggly Current Music: the radio
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05:04 pm
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre......ahhhhhhhhhh!!!! scary!!!! omg!! on friday night i had meg, maria and davion over to watch a movie and eat pizza but davion couldnt comeover {that sucked!!} but anyways meg, maria and i went and rented texas chainsaw massacre!!! omg that movie is the scarriest movie ever! i screamed the whole entire time and meg and maria now make fun of me. they were laughing at me the whole time but i am not joking that was the scarriest movie ever!!! like omg!! my voice was gone by the end of the movie.....it creeped us all out actually not just me!! hahahahahahaha maria the chainsaw man is right behind you!!! LOL!! man that was loads of fun.... then after the movie meg went home i went and spent the night at maria and we stayed up until like 3 watching movies and singing!! it was so much fun.....then we ordered pizza and ate all that and didnt get up until like 12:30 or 1 which was so much fun! then i didnt get back to my house until like 12 at night saturday and today i didnt get up until 12:45 or something like that but it was a great weekend!! *sighs* i wish i didnt have to end kkwell gotta go byes love ya kelly
Current Mood: flirty
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06:06 pm
[Link] | I was sitting thinking about the world today {ya I actually think it isnt just empty space, duh} and I realized that there are only 2 more years of high school before I have to go away for college. that makes me sad. I am going to miss all of my friends...it seems like just yesturday I was a freshman but it has really been a year *sighs* I have so many good memories and I know there will be many more to come but I wish that everything would just slow down. i mean gosh.....it goes by way too fast. homecoming is coming up soon I think it is on the 23rd....ya it is.......this life can be so randomly beautiful at times too...I found out stuff that I would otherwise not have ever known but that is another story.....wow only 2 more years before college....gosh that is sad.....time sure does go by fast.......oh and PSAT's are tomorrow arg =/.......and omg I think the wether is finally cooling off...yay.... ok later everyone kelly
Current Mood: good Current Music: "Getting away with murder"
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09:15 pm
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sadness wow today was yet another boring day of school and I came home today to find out that another person that I know died. He had cancer and when I found this out I wasnt that shocked because I knew it would happen oneday but never so soon. maybe it was for the better....*sighs* it caught me so off guard because I had just had that other person that I knew die and I was still getting over that when this happened.....This life can be so ironic and cruel and harsh all at the same time. I mean I know that one day we will all die but GOD!! shit this year couldnt get much worse. there have been three deaths this year of people/and one pet that I know. first it was my dog, then it was the guy who was in college, and now this. who is next?!?! i am so sad. I pretty much have no tears left to cry and now I will have to go to 2 funerals in a matter of a couple of days. this sucks major ass man!! I dont have any black shirts or pants to wear either so I will have to borrow them from my friends or go out and buy some....sadness.....ok I have to go now the tears have started to come and I can feel myself loosing it........ so I will talk to everyone again kelly
Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Simple Plan "Welcome to My Life"
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09:14 pm
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*sighs* i wrote a poem last night and right as i was finishing writing it I found out that someone I knew died. there was an article about his death in the newspaper and when i was reading it i cried. it made me really sad. i didnt know him all that well but, i still knew him and it hurt me that he died. oh well.........here i want to share my new poem with you guys "Restless Tonight" we lie here awake every sound we make keeps everyone awake restless after the fight we had tonight not meaning to hurt one another but what we told each other was so familiar there were no lies involved only truths every scream every sigh we make keeps us all awake not able to ignore what we said fiding no comfort in what happened but knowing it was true and had to be said restless tonight cuz we wasted the night every roommate knows what happened acting like its all alright we see each other but knowing it was fake thinking it was all just a dream a nightmare that wouldnt shake off the dreams we had were shattered broken into little pieces that night our fight caused it all not stopping but knowing it hurts me our sighs our screams keep up both awake not forgetting the words we said in our anger and haste we forgot it all just letting it all pour out restlessness has filled us both keeping everyone awake from everymove we make
ya that is it....ok well i gotta go now but i will talk to ya'll later love yall kelly
Current Mood: depressed Current Music: Alter Bridge "open your eyes"
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08:59 am
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happiness!!! omg!! today was such a great day!! i dont know why, i didnt really do much of anythng but it was great! i am so hyper today and i dont know why....maybe i had to much chocolate or something...oh well lets see friday i got to go to the football game and we lost by 4 points, 23 to 27 i think... big surprise! but it was fun cuz i got to hang out with mexican{meg}, ash, caroline a, emily d, and davion and some of the other football player. it was so much fun.....i got to hang out with a bunch of ppl that i dont get to see at school. eyebrows caroline!! hahaha that was so funny. yes davion i do squeal sometimes, lol. man it was so much fun. we prank phone called a person we know and they got mad at us but they dont know it was us and it was so funny!! *laughs* good times......after the game meg came over and spent the night. we stayed up until like 4 watching tv and then we got up at 7 so i could drop off meg and go riding. i had a good ride other and being really sore and sunburnt after ward. then i almost got a puppy but i didnt :( *tears* maybe next time..........ya right what am i thinking.. oh yah and yesturday was my dads b-day! HAPPY B-DAY DAD!!!! haha man i am bored....... ok well i am gonna go later everyone love ya'll kelly
Current Mood: hyper Current Music: break away by kelly clarkson
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09:47 pm
[Link] | how do I escape something when I dont even know what it is? can you ever stop something from happening even when you know it will happen no matter what? you reach to the farthest edges of your strenght and willpower but you are powerless against it. you will it to stop but it just keeps coming, as if it is ignoring what you are telling it to do. there is no way to control it. you and everythought and move you make it controls. you arent able to avoid it. there are no EXIT signs that will point you how to get away from it. you probaly wish that it hadn't happened and that there was some escape route that you could take. your willpower is no match for it. I cant stop it from happening and I dont wish it hadn't had to happen but eventually it did and now I dont know what to do. how to act or what to say. do I withdraw into my own little world and become noexistant again? but i dont want to do that agian. the last time i did that i was terribly miserable and very lonely. there was noone to turn to and to talk to. i tried to speak out but it seemed as if no one could hear me. it was if i was in a glass bowl and whateve i said echoed around me but never reached outside the glass. i was feeling trapped in my own world. and it was a very lonely one at that. there was only me here. nobody was there to look to or turn to. you could long to see another human but that wont happen. you are all alone now facing the world and haveing to deal with you mistakes. having to deal with what the world throws at you alone! it is a very weird feeling. you might wonder if anyone will ever hear you and decide to help you out, but that might not happen so you will have to make it on your own. make your own decisions.... wow ok that was a lot but now i really have to go so i will be talking to everyone later love ya lots ~kelly
Current Mood: curious
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09:32 am
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how do I escape something when I dont even know what it is?? how do I escape something when I dont even know what it is? can you ever stop something from happening even when you know it will happen no matter what? you reach to the farthest edges of your strenght and willpower but you are powerless against it. you will it to stop but it just keeps coming, as if it is ignoring what you are telling it to do. there is no way to control it. you and everythought and move you make it controls. you arent able to avoid it. there are no EXIT signs that will point you how to get away from it. you probaly wish that it hadn't happened and that there was some escape route that you could take. your willpower is no match for it. I cant stop it from happening and I dont wish it hadn't had to happen but eventually it did and now I dont know what to do. how to act or what to say. do I withdraw into my own little world and become noexistant again? but i dont want to do that agian. the last time i did that i was terribly miserable and very lonely. there was noone to turn to and to talk to. i tried to speak out but it seemed as if no one could hear me. it was if i was in a glass bowl and whateve i said echoed around me but never reached outside the glass. i was feeling trapped in my own world. and it was a very lonely one at that. there was only me here. nobody was there to look to or turn to. you could long to see another human but that wont happen. you are all alone now facing the world and haveing to deal with you mistakes. having to deal with what the world throws at you alone! it is a very weird feeling. you might wonder if anyone will ever hear you and decide to help you out, but that might not happen so you will have to make it on your own. make your own decisions.... wow ok that was a lot but now i really have to go so i will be talking to everyone later love ya lots ~kelly
Current Mood: amused Current Music: American Idiot
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09:08 pm
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drifting I have noticed myself drifting farther and farther away from my friends, my family, my life and everything that I have ever loved. I dont know why I am drifting away but i just and suddenly and it has caught me off guard which i am not used to. i notice that i dont seem to enjoy the things i used to like {like going to football games} which is rather odd for me. i dont know why i dont am drifting away but i am and i cant stop. how do you stop something that you dont know what it is or how it has started. what is feeding it....how do you stop it? cant you do anything to prevent it from happening even if you dont know what it is? why do you drift away from the things you like most when you dont mean to. is there some force drawing you away from the things you like? are you powerless against it and you dont have any willpower to stop it? how can something like this happen? do you mean for it to happen? i want it all to end... i want to go back to the way things used to be.... cant i stop life and go back in time to have things the way they used to be. but i know the awnser to that question would be a no. which really sucks. i dont want to drift away from everything especially my life but i dont know how to stop it....is there anyway to? does anyone know what i am going through right now....this complete withdrawn of my whole life. i mean do i go sit somewhere and take apart my whole life piece by piece and see where i went wrong? or do i let my self go into complete withdrawn?? go away from everything that i have ever treasured or held close to my heart? where is my next move going to take me? will it be the right decision or with it cause me to drift even farther away? who will ever know the awnser until they make the next move and see what happens...... ok well that is all i have to say for now....talk to eveyone later love ya lots ~kelly
Current Mood: content Current Music: 3 day grace
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09:14 pm
[Link] | ok I decided to write one of my poems in here tonight......hope you like...let me know what you think
"Detour" I need to escape this life this hell hole that we live in my life is just a dead end road there are no U-Turns or Detours that you can take no way to escape it all it is a one way street leading nowhere every move you make in question never knowing the outcome of you actions you dont know which way you are heading if what decision you made was good or bad the outcome always in question if you could take back everything there would still be a one way street but headed in a different direction you wont know where you are headed until you get there there is no escaping anything you did I know you wish you could but you cant no matter what you may try to pull a U-Turn or take a Detour but you cant you cant escap you destiny
k well that's it love ya'll ~kelly P.S. Oh ya I had so much fun today....like I got to go shopping with meg and hannah and it was so much fun. we got hit on by 4 different guys and may I add that 2 of them were rather cute....*sighs*. oh ya hannah you are going to work at the teckno {i think that is how you spell it} store and I am going to work at Hot Topic and meg is going to work at the Love Sac store!!! hahahaha great times. that was so much fun today ya'll and I shall say shall hannah and yes meg I did say ya'll!!! hahaha that was so much fun you guys. I dont know if I have ever had as much fun or laughed as hard as I did today!! it was great......sorry to all of you guys who didnt go your really missed out on some fun!! maybe next time...ok well now I really have to go byes
Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Switchfoot "Meant to Live"
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07:47 pm
[Link] | ok here are a few questions for you to awnser: WOULD YOU: » Lie to make me feel better?: » Spread rumors about me?: » Keep a secret if I told you one?: » Loan me some cash?: » Take a bullet for me?: » Keep in touch?: » Try and solve my problems?: » Love me?: » Date me?: » Tell me the truth when I didnt want to know it?: » Lie to me?: » Tell me if I looked bad?: » Go out with my boyfriend when I was going out with him?: » Try to protect me from the truth?: WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF: » I died from suicide: » I said I liked you: » I kissed you: » I lived next door to you: » I started smoking: » I stole something: » I was hospitalized: » I ran away from home: » I got into a fight and you weren't there: » I got hurt badly: » I got killed: » You found out I lied to you: » My fish attacked me: » I got in a fight with a friend:
Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Simple Plan "Welcome to My Life"
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